5 Lessons from 5 Months of Motherhood

It’s been five months since I brought my beautiful daughter home from the hospital and with it began the most transformative journey of my life. I have always been someone who feels deeply, but nothing prepared me for just how much more my heart would hold as a mother. The love I feel is overwhelming… so fiercely raw and powerful that I spent way too long holding off on writing this blog post because I knew I couldn’t find the right words to articulate exactly how it feels.

They say that being a mother means your heart now resides outside of your body… and what a beautiful sentiment that is. There’s so much joy that comes with knowing you are this little being’s everything. And with that joy there is also so much fear and worry. Because that’s what I’ve come to realize about motherhood. It’s an overwhelming abundance of polarizing feelings.

It’s as beautiful as it is messy.

As inspiring as it is challenging.

As energizing as it is exhausting.

There’s a quote that says “the days are long but the years are short.” While I only have several months under my belt, I can assure you that this is something I know must be profoundly true.

It makes me want to cling to every second of motherhood… to be truly present and fill my daughter’s life with the most wonderful, joyful experiences that I can. Because while the journey of motherhood is everlasting, every phase and moment shared already feels so ephemeral.

Whether you’re a new mom or thinking of having a child of your own someday, I hope that the lessons I’m about to share with you make you feel seen, help validate your own experience or offer up some guidance for those early months of motherhood when we’re all just trying to figure it out.

Your Village Is Everything

My husband and I joke that one of the biggest lessons we’ve learned as new parents is just how much of an a**hole we both were to our parent friends before we had a baby. In all seriousness, we’ve all heard the phrase “it takes a village” but I never understood what that meant until we had a baby. Having friends stop by with coffee, send us food, or even just text asking us how we we were made such a huge difference for our wellbeing in those early weeks. We were also fortunate enough to have both sets of parents come out to help during the first month when we were the most sleep deprived, stressed, and while I was still in the thick of postpartum healing. I am so grateful for every single person who reached out during that time and now fully understand just how much of an impact the SMALLEST gesture can make for any new parents out there.

Mindset Makes the Difference

Let’s face it, motherhood, especially in the early phases is an all-encompassing job. And as someone who thrives on creating to-do lists and derives satisfaction from feeling productive, it was really hard when days would go by in a blur and I would be left feeling like I didn’t get anything done. What I realized early on though, was that my mindset had been so hyper focused on traditional productivity that I needed to make a conscious shift to embrace what productivity looks like for me now.

Instead of saying “Wow, I really didn’t get much done today.” I learned to say “Wow, I kept this beautiful little human alive and healthy all day. I’m proud of myself.”

Rather than getting down on myself for having a bad case of mom brain (if you know, you know), I learned to give myself credit for juggling as many things as I do on a daily basis.

Perhaps most importantly, I learned that going into every day with a fresh outlook and open mind is one of the best things you can do as a mom. To be able to slow down, roll with the punches, and remember that hard does not equal bad.

You Know Your Baby Best

Prior to having our baby, my husband and I read a few parenting books and took an infant care course at the hospital. We downloaded The Wonder Weeks to tell us all about the different developmental leaps that our baby would go through in the first year and Huckleberry to track diapers, naps and bottles. (I highly recommend both if you’re type A like me). We registered for all the “right” things, we prepared the nursery, etc. All in all, we felt very ready to be a mom and dad. But nothing prepared us for how it would feel driving our baby girl home from the hospital and realizing we were now totally and 100% in charge of caring for this little human. We were suddenly terrified and felt under qualified.

It took a few days to get into the swing of things and eventually we began to create a rhythm that worked for us. Every single day with her made us a little more confident. We learned her cues, we figured out what made her happy and what routine was best for us as a family. And eventually there was so much satisfaction in knowing that WE knew our baby better than anyone else.

If you’re a mom you know that there’s a never ending stream of parenting advice out there. Some of it is good, some of it is ridiculous, but it can all be very overwhelming if you let it be. That’s why I learned early on to tune out the constant noise of how other people are doing it and instead let my own intuition and connection with my baby lead the way. It can be far too easy to fall into the parenting comparison trap but at the end of the day, there’s comfort in knowing that you will always know your baby best and your choices will reflect that.

Healing Takes Time

Perhaps one of the most surprising things I faced as a new mom was just how long and hard the postpartum healing process would be. As someone who was really active prior to and even throughout pregnancy, I blindly thought the physical healing would take less than 6 weeks and I’d be back to my normal self.

Needless to say, I was quickly humbled. The first 6 weeks were spent dealing with shingles, engorgement, and stitches from a second degree tear. Even after I was cleared to workout, I underestimated how weak my pelvic floor still was and ended up in pelvic floor therapy for the past few months. I also didn’t give much thought to how much the fluctuation in hormones would play a roll in my mental wellbeing. I’m so grateful and lucky to not have experienced PPD, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of emotional days.

On the positive side, being a mother made me realize my own strength and lean into that. Giving birth was the most challenging thing I’ve ever done in my whole life and I lean into that power now ALL the time. The healing process also helped teach me a valuable lesson in slowing down and being patient. I have so much more gratitude for what my body has been able to do and a new appreciation for movement that I know I took for granted before.

The Old You Is Still There

Prior to becoming a mom I was so worried about losing myself. It seems that all I would see online or when talking to friends would be about how long it took for them to “get their pink back” postpartum. It made me incredibly nervous that motherhood would somehow erase everything that made me, me.

What I found couldn’t be further from the truth.

Even on the days where I don’t necessarily feel like myself, I know that motherhood didn’t erase the old me. It expanded on her. It showed her how much more there could be in life.

Being a mom didn’t take away my interests. I still love all the same things I did before… there’s now just a little human I want to share it all with. Even in just a few short months, watching my daughter discover the world for the first time is the most healing thing for my inner child. I see things in a new light and have gained an appreciation for so many of the ordinary moments. Because to her, those ordinary moments are everything… and I find myself giddy with the thoughts of just how many more “firsts” I’ll be able to experience with her.

There’s a quote that says “Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a happy one.” And I think this is the best reminder that doing the things that make you light up and prioritizing your own self-care, interests, health and wellbeing is one of the BEST things you can do as mother.

I’m so grateful to be able to share pieces of my motherhood journey with you and I know this is only the beginning of a lifetime of lessons to learn and growth to be experienced. And in the meantime, if you have any little motherhood nuggets of wisdom that you’d like to share, please do so in the comments! I’d love to hear from you.